Wednesday 27 February 2013

A2: S6 - D-day

My tolerance of relationships in pretty low.

No, tolerance is the wrong word. Makes me sound like some kind of love nazi. Someone actually sent me a message on Tumblr the other day saying "WHY DO YOU HATE LOVE" which made me smile an awful lot. I guess people have come to think of me as either as some career-driven power lesbian or just an insufferable slut because I just do not feel the need for a relationship right now. Which again, just makes me smile an awful lot.

It's sad how many people at this age seem to be so narrow-minded when it comes to relationships. singledom is treated as a disease, with infected people parading themselves around like peacocks night after night in the Student Union club, desperately trying to find a cure for their ailment. Or like a pre-school classroom when the teacher says 'Right everyone get into pairs!' and the class are sent tearing across the classroom in a desperate bid not to be the one left on their own - to the point where they don't even care who they are with as long as they have a partner. I guess I just don't see why our lives are so powerfully influenced and centered around finding our 'other halfs'. Could it not be possible that some of just feel pretty much in one piece as it is?

I don't hate love at all - in fact I'm possibly the most hopelessly romantic person ever, and I of course want to settle down and marry when I'm older. But that along with being the most fiercely independent person ever, makes my head an interesting place to be. I believe I have been in love twice in my life and I'll admit that most of the time, it was the most beautiful thing in the world. But after a string of  fruitless romances and pointless relationships, let-downs, rejections and heartbreaks, I think I am finally, thank god-fully in that elusive, rare and golden state of mind where I'm actually just... okay. For the first time in my life, I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm overwhelming happy, content and just at peace with being on my own. And I feel pretty blessed for that. I have so much time now to focus on the greatest things in life, learning, educating, discovering, experiencing, creating, and most of all, making a little time for myself. Then, that little poster which changed my life pops into my head again... "If you are looking for the love of your life, stop. They will be waiting for you when you start doing the things you love."

That is why, by all of gods green earth and heavens, I could've never imagined that I'd wake up on February the 14th to a little red envelope and a bouquet of red carnations on my doorstep.

I eyeballed it suspiciously but it definitely said my name. Now, this is partly because of the sheer unexpectedness, partly because of how nice it was and a little part to just having a tiny weeny little brag, but...This is what the inside read:

"To Katie,
It would be easy for me to fly into endless compliments about your physical beauty, but it is too obvious and I would hate to appear slovenly. All I will say is your smile would make a blind man flinch. (hahahahahahahaha)
There is something oddly intriguing and frankly inspiring about your character that I find to be really very difficult to describe in my own words. So I will use a small quote from a film I am confident you have seen...
"It makes me anything is possible. Like... life is worth it?"
You have begun to thaw the black ice from an embittered and cynical man's heart.Whether you pursue to find out who I am, is up to you. But please know you have inspired me to start living properly, regardless. Might also be worth playing "She's got you high" by Mumma-Ra while you read this. It's been in my head the entire time I have been writing this.
I hope there will be some silver lining from this. Good luck with all your endeavours.
Your friend,
Gentleman J. x"

Well, holyyyyyy shit.