Saturday, 29 November 2014

The Struggle of Being a Writer in a Bloggers World


It's always hard to see someone else doing incredibly well, at something you've always wanted to do incredibly well in.

It's an unavoidably human reaction, one which is usually followed by equally unwelcome guilt when you actually see how nice that person is, and how hard they've worked to get there.

But you know, I've come to think that the world would just be a better place, if we all started to be a bit more honest about envy.

So here goes.

The whole blogosphere seems alight with book deals, novel launches and in-store signings right now. Everywhere you look, a new 'top blogger' is seen wide-eyed and bushy tailed in a crowded Waterstones, eagerly holding up their very own first edition with their little inked signature on the bottom.

And you know, despite the beaming budding writers and their weeping crowds hollering in joy, for me, in the most selfish way imaginable, it just feels inescapably, unavoidably, absolutely and positively shit.

I wish to god it doesn't, but it just does.

When I look at these people, I genuinely have nothing but admiration towards them, they are inspirational people who are showing how it is possible to achieve your dreams... but there's this horrible bitter and sad part of me to which it seems like they've got to a point where they can start taking other people's dreams too. 

They've reached a strange height of such untouchable super-fame that they can go, 'release an album? sure why not!' and millions will buy it, whilst hundreds of thousands of bands are sweating it out in their garages for years, scrimping together the pennies to hire out a studio to record an EP. And when these people have reached their fame from doing makeup tutorials, filming pranks they pull on each other and carefully arranging their breakfasts on instagram, and others have grown up with a passion in their bones to master their art and create masterpieces with it, only to be totally forgotten and forever overlooked... it hurts my heart a bit.

And when I go into a bookstore and actually have a look at the content of their books, it kinda makes me want to slam my head against a wall. Growing up with the likes of Harry Potter teaching me about morality and mortality and the importance of education, bravery and loyalty, they have been essential in shaping my development to become the person I am today, and when I see millions of young people crying and weeping at the sheer inspiration of a book with pages such as 'draw a finger selfie', yes, draw a selfie, of your finger, it makes me motherfucking despair.

Now with internet celebs topping the best-selling lists and manufactured reality show runners-up dominating album charts etc, what even is art any more? Genuine artists with talent and passion are shoved aside and disregarded because they don't have a ready-made pre-packaged audience to tout, making the already incredibly difficult challenging of discovery and exposure, now almost an impossible task.

And all of these observations and fears and predictions and theories just smash against my already booming self-doubt in my mind and I just think WHY AM I EVEN TRYING.

I find myself unable to distinguish myself between writer and blogger, and making some pretty screwed up subconscious associations like; 'I've got to become skinnier to become a better writer.' 'I have to post at least one outfit selfie every day if I ever want to be successful.' 'I have to always have pristine manicured nails and perfectly curled hair if I ever want to be published.'

The battle between artistic integrity and audience-raking mainstreamdom is really taking it’s toll on me and I find myself in this totally fucked up position where I don't even know what the fuck I want or I'm trying to achieve anymore.

But despite my genuine conviction in all of these points, it's undeniable that a strong underlying factor behind them, that I see these bloggers and...

I just wish it was me.

I look at the spectacular splendor surrounding the release of these books and the millions celebrating them as the new generation of writer, and I am helplessly filled with unfortunate, unprecedented and most unwelcome envy.

I'm jealous.

And that's the truth.

And I swear to god, in that moment, it's as if I've just uttered the magic phrase.

This maelstrom of negativity that's buzzing around my head, constantly getting me down and preventing me from making any progress suddenly freezes, and there in the middle of the flurry lies that truth so blinding, I'd been unable to see it.

I'm jealous.

 And the more I stare at it, the negativity suddenly starts to dissipate and dissolve as if the act of actually admitting it, was all it took to begin actually undoing it. 'Cause perspective is everything, and it's often only when you finally admit an uncomfortable truth to yourself, that you're able to see it all in a different light. While you may not choose your feelings, you choose your actions and you choose your perspective.

And I believe you can take Little Victories from any situation, even one that fills you with negativity.

1.
Kids are reading! In this super technologically-advanced generation where people are connected with the internet 24 hours a day, we are now heading out to bookstores to buy hardback covers of a novel and get it signed by the author, a tradition as old as literacy itself. These bloggers have effectively made reading cool again, and set the benchmark to inspire others to write.

2.
You can't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter twenty. Instead of focusing energy on being nothing but bitter, focus on doing everything to become better. If you want to somehow compete with these greats, create something worth competing with.

3.
Don't beat yourself up about feeling jealous. Although is an undesirable trait, underneath it all, it's a form of care. If you didn't truly care about it, you wouldn't get jealous. If you didn't have so much love and passion for something, it wouldn't bother you. 

4.
In conjunction with that, jealousy is not a whole lot of distance away from inspiration. Look at someone you are jealous of, remove the negativity that it's not you, and replace with positivity of how you can make that be you one day.


And at the end of the day, the fundamental thing I have allowed myself to forget is the most important part of this whole thing. 

I am a writer.

I feel so much pressure to try and grow an audience so that I have a platform to launch my book onto, that I completely overlook the fact that all conventional authors begin with no-one. They begin with an audience of their mum and dad and next door neighbour sat at the kitchen table at midnight leafing through their first drafts.

I am a writer with a blog, NOT a blogger hoping to get big enough to write a book.

And anyway, these bloggers who are now so big that they are releasing books, they have done this for years and years. They have built themselves up from nothing and self-made their own path to reach that level of success - this is not something they've just bought in to. 

So fair fucking play to them.

I am a human being who cares about stuff, so it is not my choice whether I feel jealous or not. But what is my choice is how I react in response to it.

And there's no way I'd ever choose being bitter, over being inspired.


57 comments :

  1. Couldn't agree more with this post. Do you ever stop and think how you're insprising people? How people may be jealous of you? You seem to find yourself in the most amazing places, experiencing the most amazing things and I'm just sitting here like when is it my turn? We all get jealous and I think the 'better not bitter' thing is something that everyone should start practising. Including my own little self! You do inspire people Katie and I'm one of them. You'll get there because you are a fantastic writer and you deserve to be recognised for your talent x

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  2. I've really enjoyed this, as always, Katie. It's become obvious to so many brilliant and eloquent, just not worldwide popular writers and bloggers that it's become so damn hard to be seen and heard when all news is surrounded by the "big Internet celebs." As great as they are, I don't think they should make their luck and accomplishment seen as a formula for success, especially in a world where young audiences want to emulate them. Agh, what a rough new world!

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  3. I really love this post, because I honestly couldn't have said it better myself. I constantly find myself looking through loads of other people's blogs wondering what made them get all of those followers compared to me (especially when their content is mainly just selfies and their writing is full of errors). We live in a superficial world these days and I find that people don't take the time to read anymore, so it's ver hard to sell yourself as a writer on the internet in such a tech-savvy age. Anyone can and does have a blog nowadays so it's about making yourself stand out amongst that. I think as long as you continue blogging for the love of it, success will follow suit no matter what you do.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The thing is that while it can feel infuriating as an artist curating your work for so long to see someone else seemingly walk in and get to do your art based on the strength of their name - these kind of blogger books are actually a bit like celebrity books. They are to literature what manufactured bands are to the music industry. Really though, because of this mass market appeal, the industry is able to thrive and continue supporting those with perhaps a more 'refined' art - not simplified for mass appeal i suppose i mean - and while it's definitely pretty envy-inducing to see, it's kinda necessary. I think what you need to remember is that you're part of a different breed of blogger. While we definitely get sucked up into seeing things through blog-tinted glasses, you're not cut from the same cloth. You're different. Not that one or the other has more integrity or intelligence, and both are due their success, but there's a reason both The Sun and The Independent have millions of readers - because they both have their different appeal. By funding the literary industry with throwaway money from celebrity book sales, actually it helps people like you to in the future be able to publish your book - more money means more investment.

    I know it's so easy to be jealous and trust me I feel it too - I wish i didn't have to slave away for days coming up with new original content that I work hard on creating for my blog, when I then see half assed content with no real substance being pumped out by others that hit triple what mine does - and it's heartbreaking and soul destroying. The thing is, you don't want to end up feeling sad and wondering 'what if', you wanna be that underground punk band that stands up and says 'actually, fuck you and the way you do stuff, this is the way I do it' and keep blogging the same way you do - and of course working on too, publishing your own book. There's a huge place for that and as we've seen with people from Banksy to The Clash, you represent the common man - being relatable and real will always give you the upper hand with a new, perhaps more cultured audience you can hit your book out to and know it'll be appreciated. It would be wasted on the same audience as these blogger books hit.

    If there's one thing i've learned from being in my late twenties it is that if you believe something and believe in yourself hard enough, over time you can always make it happen. While of course there will always be those with the privilege behind them, whether it be aristocracy and wealth, or the luck of an internet fan base - the opportunities for everyone are wider than ever. We weren't ever born with our path drawn out for us, it's bullshit. We place the bricks down as we go.

    I believe in you and that you too, will join the ranks of maybe slightly less screaming-fan-girl induced sales, but too, book sales. So bind those papers together and carry on writing with your soul. 'Cos god knows the world needs it.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment was just perfect

      Delete
    2. And this is why I love Zoe :)

      Delete
    3. Incredible comment and I agree with everything said.

      Delete
  5. Hey Katie, I definitely see what you mean. However, I have to agree with the above - lots of people are jealous of you as well. You work with H&M, you live in the country that most respects blogging, you have a solid group of friends, and you've been able to have incredible experiences. As someone who lives in an area that sees nothing of bloggers (rural Canada), who has no friends due to having to move non-stop (and while in university I had no friends as I was assaulted and victim blamed resulting in a loss of friends), and a crippling mental illness that keeps having me hospitalized your life can seem pretty perfect to me. I'm sure you'd argue, like you have, that your life is in fact quite difficult; perhaps the people you are jealous of don't have it all as much as you think either.

    Also, as a manager of an indie bookstore who works closely with publishers, I can tell you that the book industry is a real crapshoot. Most authors only make 10% of the cover price of the book, and most books never sell more than a few thousand copies. This is why bloggers are so appealing to publishers - they know their audience will buy no matter how bad the book may be. However, it does not mean that you don't have a shot at a good book deal - little miracles happen all the time! Best of luck <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think she's arguing that her life is difficult--more that she wishes she were able to get a book deal. x

      Delete
  6. I hear you loud and clear. I had an agent for a while and almost got inked with a big publishing house and they pulled at the last minute. Since then, I've been unable to get a deal and have split with my agent--and then have not found further representation. So, here I am, another failed author who self-published books that could have been a million times better if I could have afforded an editor. And then there are these people who get book deals handed to them. It IS hard not to be jealous. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you so much for this post Katie, it gave me some serious food for thought.

    ReplyDelete
  8. As much as I applaud the success of others, seeing books with god-awful content like the ones that have been released lately makes me feel much the same as you. But then, publishers recognise where the money is and from a business perspective, it's sadly the way things are in a lot of cases. You're incredibly talented and already successful so don't worry, you will get to the place you want to be <3 xxx

    ReplyDelete
  9. I completely agree with you on everything you've said! Great post! I particularly love the line "You can't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter twenty". I definitely need to keep this in mind sometimes xx

    shynature.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  10. I agree with you, in so many different ways. I thought it's only me who get jealous so easily of successful people/bloggers. I compare myself to them a lot; I even doubted myself. You know the question I always ask myself when I just started my blog/youtube, "why would people read or watch my vlog/blog if there are others who can do it better?" I forgot to realize that these successful people also started from nothing. I can't just compare myself to them all the time because then I won't be making my own creations. I put those thoughts behind and try my best to make great contents on my blog and youtube videos. I'll never get the answers I have been wanting if I never try, right?

    xo
    colorsinmybubble.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. Loved reading the comments. I totally hear what you're saying and it's super frustrating, but when yo hit big it'll all be worth it ;) You can do it!

    Sophie x

    ReplyDelete
  12. It was really comforting reading this. Because I feel exactly the same way, I just don't think I could have put it onto paper so well... in fact, I wasn't even sure if what I was feeling was normal! I wish I could be like that, to be able to film myself walking around stupid Waitrose and know that every view, I am getting paid loads. I hate this stupid 'lets all release a book' trend, and the way everything is just pictured shiny and amazing. I've been writing since I was little, nothing good haha, but it's my dream to one day knock out a book that would put JK Rowling to shame. I know it will be hard, and that I'll probably feel like giving up, but to see them get book deals, and to read the books and see the lack of substance behind it, when so many self published authors are being over looked... I just want to cry.

    Thanks for this, your posts always make me feel better. :) x
    Alice from
    strangemademe.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. I feel the exact same way I thought I was the only one!

    http://wiltedxfaded.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  14. As long as you keep with the passion of what you want to do with your life you are on the right track. I see people do what I would love to do but I know that if I try my hardest to get the life I want I will either achieve it all or some of it. Not everyone can get what they want, having a blog will help you express what you want to achieve and maybe someone will see your posts that important..

    I think it's good to remember that it's okay to be jealous - as you said its a human instinct. I think its positive that you have acknowledged that fact and not be consumed by it. I hope you the best, remember everyone is struggling somewhere in their lives, even the 'big stars'!

    http://leannewinters.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yes, so much yes! At the beginning, when I started my own little blog, it was to practice putting words on paper so that I could improve my writing. However, once you're in the blogging world, you get so caught up in doing blogging things—making friends, SEO, social media, growing your blog, etc, that I've discovered my voice, tone, and style of writing has morphed so much into what's more commonly found on blogs these days. None of the flowery language that I used to LOVE doing so much, but more catering. And it does suck.

    But you're right. Conventional writers all started from no audience base. JK Rowling, for example, sent her work to over 12 different publishers before one would take a chance. Just keep practicing your craft and produce something :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. This is a really thought-provoking post and I've found myself in a similar position to you in being confused as to what it is I really want to post about for fear of it not being popular etc. You are a very talented writer and your writing is some of the most enjoyable on the internet in my opinion, so in a way I feel your jealousy as I feel it should be people like you getting these book deals. There is no doubt these bloggers have put in years of hard work but it's difficult to forget that there are writers around the world who have put years of work into a single book, only for it to be dismissed. It's a very interesting topic to consider so thank you for sharing your thoughts!
    Hannah x
    Hanniemc.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  17. All I can do is praise this post, honestly. This is seriously how I feel. I mean, I am genuinely happy for people who found success on the internet but what seriously irks me is when Youtubers with a big audience who post pranks or comedy or beauty tutorials end up releasing singles?! Like, what is up with that? I'm not jealous but it's just not right when people who actually post covers etc. don't get notice because they have a small audience.

    http://punkpsycho.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  18. this is blooming marvellous. i absolutely get the bitterness of some people and i genuinely do think a lot of the time, it is jealousy. there aren't many bloggers out there who wouldn't LOVE to be in the spotlight releasing their first book like the people they are bashing. fair play to you for writing this and i agree, it's much better to see the inspiration and positives of the millions of extremely average books that are being released x

    http://the-dress-diaries.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  19. This post is perfect and pretty much exactly what I needed to read right now. Thank you.

    www.jordynmyah.com

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thank you for sharing this. It's really interesting to see an honest outlook on it.
    It can be tough, but if few wrote with an ounce of the passion and skill you do we'd be flying.
    Have a great week.

    Alessia | alessiadicapua.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think you speak for tons of us, I adore your honesty. You have pretty much just said what every one else is thinking. Reading this has been a breath of fresh air- it does sometimes feel like you work your socks off for something and look around to see that it's so easy for others. At that point you think 'what's the bloody point' I have found myself in this situation but too much if a coward to use the word 'jealousy'. If you love it, do it. If it makes you happy, do it! Don't let no green eyed monster stand between you and your dream!! X

    ReplyDelete
  22. This is so amazing, at first I thought it was just another person who's jealous about more successful people and writes it online, but this turned into a beautiful life lesson about how everyone gets jealous and we just need to make the best out of what we've got! I often get jealous if other bloggers who write about wjat the ate for breakfast and get hundreds of reads and then I write a truly heartfelt post and no one cares... but thats cuz im at step 1! All those successful bloggers have gone through a lot and had to work their way to the top! Exchange jealousy with inspiration and spread love insted of hate!

    ReplyDelete
  23. This post touched on so many things I've been thinking lately. Sometimes I think that this whole "internet famous" trend is getting a bit out of hand--that preteens and teenagers are just going to view posting prank videos or haul videos or whatever as the model path to success--there are already so many people starting blogs and Youtube channels recently who seem to just be in it for the fame and success of it all. And sometimes I think that takes away from the fact that there are people out there who really care about the content they are putting out--both people who are big and people who no one knows about yet. And then there are people who started out blogging or vlogging because they were passionate about their content and then over time the quality of their content goes down yet their fame keeps going up. I don't know, sometimes it just all seems a bit ridiculous. The blogs I love most, though, are the ones that are different--that don't seem to just be another person jumping on the bandwagon, but someone writing about something that they truly care about, and your blog is definitely one of those. I'm relatively new to your blog, but I subscribed after reading just a few posts because your writing style and content stands out to me, in a good way. Your writing is thought-provoking and honest and beautifully lyrical at times, and it's much more deep than a lot of the stuff out there, which is incredibly refreshing. With hard work, maybe someday more people will notice that. But even if they don't, I think you can be proud of the fact that you are staying true to who you are and writing about topics and experiences that matter to you. Xx

    ReplyDelete
  24. What an incredible post. Sometimes I, too, feel overwhelmed (and yes, jealous -- that one, too) by the success of fellow bloggers. It's so easy to forget our roots. I absolutely loved that last line, about choosing to be inspired instead of being bitter. Those bloggers also started something from scratch and it's good for them that they were able to make something huge out of their hard, inspired work. That's something we must keep reminding ourselves, to tide us over those times we wonder why we even write and do what we do. :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is everything. I am so glad that you touched on a subject that may otherwise be very sensitive in a respectful manner. I'm thoroughly impressed by your ability to express your concerns and pour your heart out while in turn paying homage to those who have made it into the world of "fame" for lack of a better word.

    http://adoseofjo.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  26. This is such a beautiful post! I love it! I agree-it seems every internet celebrity across the globe is publishing a book. My reaction is the same as yours: why. Why?! I've grown up dreaming of authoring a great novel or work of literature, and the world of publishing that seems to be coming soon is one that focuses exclusively on ready-made-celebrities and content that one can find just as easily on their millions of social media sites. But I think your feelings make for a beautiful post. Let go. Have that initial reaction, and then choose what to do with it. It's a reminder I find myself needing not just in dealing with the Internet, but in my everyday life as well.
    Thank you so much for this beautiful post! I love it and can't wait to read more of your wonderful writing.

    The What's In Between

    ReplyDelete
  27. love your honesty. i think we all get put off by seeing the success of these super bloggers, as it naturally makes us feel rubbish in comparison. you're a great writer too x

    dontcrycowboy

    ReplyDelete
  28. I really do appreciate your honesty! I am a new follower, but I really liked your post! We are human beings (as you said) therefore it's quite normal that we are naturally led to react to what happens around us and, basically that's what makes us special and different! However, at the end of the day, just keep in my mind that the 'wheel of Fortune' turns for all! Thank you again for your post, by the way! :)

    http://theextemporanews.blogspot.it/

    ReplyDelete
  29. I so hear you. I think this is a feeling we all have sometimes. and you are right, most of those super successful bloggers worked hard to get to where they are right now. doesn't change the fact that they may have a better understanding and/or willingness to subscribe to what sells these days. which is my problem. and maybe yours too? I can't do the selfie shit or post daily outfits or stay safely at the surface. not my thing. I do believe though that quality wins in the end. it may not get us the big book deal or fame and fortune, but it may allow us to keep our integrity and authenticity.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I found your blog through this specific post and wow. Fantastic. Your points are so honest and raw and 100% spot ON, woman...your struggle is one that's shared by many of us, so no worries, you're definitely not alone! My wish? That people who "figure it out", so to speak, and "make it" would be willing to share some of their wisdom with the rest of us! I totally get that some just put in loads of hard work and figure it out themselves, but with everyone thinking that someone else's success would somehow hurt their own, it makes everyone guard their secrets to success and inherently limits some others'! Thank you for this post. And when you DO make it as a writer (since I'm sure you will), I want one of the first copies of your book. (:

    lovelovelove,
    Erica
    cominguprosestheblog.com

    ReplyDelete
  31. Wow girl. you're awesome! Keep it up, write amazing stuff and don't bother about outfit selfies too much. Just do your thing!

    ReplyDelete
  32. This is probably the best blog post I've read all year. I love your honestly & you are a great writer you know! I don't doubt that you will make it, so please don't give up!

    Gabby xo

    Blog - What She Buys / Instagram / Twitter

    ReplyDelete
  33. This was such a great post and written / summed up SO well. I love how honest and truthful you have been as I know that so many people agree with you. It's hard not to get caught up with the blogging world and feel a little jealous when you see the success of others. You will make it though and you'll look back and see just how much effort and hard work you put in to achieve your goal, don't give up!

    Amanda / Amanda's Escape

    ReplyDelete
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  35. I have to agree with you and pretty much every comment on here :') It's so frustrating to see bloggers and celebrities published over hard working writers. Especially when you consider how many of them have used ghost writers. I have to divide them up into 'consumerism' and 'genuine literature' to prevent myself from going insane. Kudos to the folks that fo it though! Like you said it encourages people to read and that can never be a bad thing. Who could blame them for jumping at such an amazing opportunity? Most people would, and why not?
    One other thing to keep in mind is that a lot of comedians are writers alongside doing stand up and I've read loads of good things by comedians. So I suppose their following from stand up boosts their writing careers and helps them get published so it's not all bad!
    Alex x

    ReplyDelete
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