Sunday, 8 June 2014

The Great Blogging Dread

(source)

One thing I've come to realise lately, is that blogging is a very strange and very different world.

I recently took a step back from being a blogger, and in the process, realised some even stranger, and dare I say... scarier things about the blogosphere.

Because after spending the past year and a half feeling rather content with my own little corner of the internet, this sensation had begun to creep up on me slowly and surely, and before I could even recognise what was happening, it had gripped onto me tight.

It had got me.


The Great Blogging Dread.

*

Now, spare me here for perhaps being a touch melodramatic, but returning from New York City it seemed as though my life completely and utterly fell apart at the seams.

After going through a tough break up and realising some unwelcome truths about social media, a total life reassessment of questioning my life down to a cellular level seemed to alter my view on being a blogger as well.

I'd always previously despaired at seeing bloggers, especially newer ones, totally beating themselves up about not posting in a while, not sticking to their blog schedule, or getting behind on their posts. I could never understand why they were putting so much negative pressure on themselves, when at the end of the day... blogging is just a hobby.

But coming back from NYC, it hit me hard.

Maybe it was the process of returning to reality from such a captivating city, or the inevitable slap-in-the-face post-holiday blues, but it seemed as though so many things were now irrevocably different from the way I had left them.

As this was such an important, life-changing trip for me, I had an unbelievable amount of coverage planned, spanning countless posts on both my blogs and across all my social media networks.

But as the days passed with all this material just sitting on the memory cards, the thought of the hours upon hours of work I was going to have to put into the formatting, processing, editing and posting... I started to feel this sickeningly creeping pressure building up.

For the first time in the year and a half since I started this whole venture... I didn't want to do it.

I found myself procrastinating from something I was supposed to love doing, and as the passing days turned into weeks, my guilt about just not 'getting it done' began to pile against me and manifest itself into some pretty debilitating ways.

I'd seen so many people online in Twitter blog chats and various posts talking about this kind of thing, but I had never fallen privy to feeling it myself. 

Yet... here I now was.



But I wasn't the only one.

In a mass wave of honesty, it seems the entire blogosphere had been gripped by The Blogging Dread and swathes of top bloggers were coming forward and describing how it was affecting them.

The first I saw was Zoella, explaining how success has changed her life and not always in a good way, that she felt she didn't deserve it, that she shouldn't have to be anxious about going out in public, or put up with fans camping outside her house when she was just a normal girl. Then Louise from SprinkleofGlitr describing her sheer levels of overwhelm with her life now, and not being able to cope with people screaming and crying for her.

This was followed by Lily Melrose's vlog trying to explain the problems, stresses and confusion of what happens when your life and work are the same thing. When your sole employment, your only job and earnings come from just... being alive and being a person... I don't see how that wouldn't totally mess with your head.

The final two which completed this picture were by Zoe from Zoe London and Victoria from InTheFrow.

Victoria's post was first and foremost an apology, a sorry for not being able to keep up with herself. An apology that shouldn't have to have been made. She also highlighted another huge negative in the industry, the harsh, bitchy competitiveness felt between bloggers.

Zoe's post also touched upon this, explaining how being among bloggers from a different side of the industry totally opened her eyes to how catty and elitist everything had become, and asking when unity in blogging seemed to go out of fashion.

And I guess... the most eye-opening part of reading these posts was that, I, as a tiny weeny, generally irrelevant and unknown blogger was already beginning to feel this pressure reaching critical levels... then how in gods name must these massively successful bloggers be feeling?

But The Blogging Dread stretches to far greater blog-stress points than that.


Okay, straight-up honesty time.

I'm a massively irrelevant and unknown blogger. 

However,

There are certain things which I don't understand, and frankly, uncomfortably confuse the shit out of me.

For example,

Last week was the first time I have ever been recognised and stopped on the street by a stranger asking me if I was Scarphelia. 

On one immediate hand, hell freakin' yeah, totally badass, let's celebrate, that's awesome!

On the other hand, incredibly, peculiarly strange

Someone who I had never met before and didn't recognise, had seen me, knew exactly who I was and all that goes on inside my head and approached me to tell me that. Of course, I was completely flattered and totally amazed, but at the same time, there was something about the slight nervousness in the tone of her voice which... made me a little uneasy.

Secondly, I'm gonna be straight up here and talk about something which seems to be a great hushed taboo in the blogging world; stats.

For a reason of which I honestly, genuinely have no idea why, even when I haven't posted in a while, I kinda somehow never seem to get under 5,000 hits a day.

It's important for me to stress the point here that I'm not ungrateful or saying this because I wanna be like 'aw yeah check me out bitches read it and weep' - if anything it's the opposite.

The apparent growth of Scarphelia appears to be astronomical - I'm getting over 100,000 hits a month and a third of my all-time views since I started this 1.5 years ago have been in the past MONTH alone.

But despite all that, my interactions/feedback have not been this low since I began. For the first time in probably a year, I published a post and it got zero comments. No tweets, no feedback, just zilch, as if it didn't exist. And it appears to becoming a running theme.

More hits than ever, less people caring than ever.

It makes me wanna scream 'What am I doing wrong here?!'

And after a while of not understanding this, I asked my closest most brutally honest friend what he thinks to which he simply responded with a shrug;

"You used to make art, Katie. Now you just blog."

(source)
So I guess long story short, I've kinda had a blog breakdown.

And when your blog is something you want to turn into your career, that you've sorta staked your entire life and future on... it's kinda hard to not let that make you feel like shit.

But at the end of the day, I guess the question you've always gotta remember to ask yourself is;

'Why are you doing this?'

And if there's anything that reading the top bloggers TBD posts has taught me is that I sure as hell don't want this to get fame or glorious recognition. That kinda sorta sounds like it super sucks.

I'm doing this for me.

To create, to inspire, to hopefully help another persons outlook even a little bit brighter.

And I do this because I love it.

And I would much rather have one person read a post and seriously resonate with it and care about it, then 5,000 people click and leave straight away, disinterested. There's more important things than numbers.

So I guess I have to stop with the paranoia, the constant comparing of myself to other bloggers. I've got to stop letting myself get so caught up in numbers and stats and figures, getting frustrated and stressed out if I don't get reassurance that someone thinks I did good. Because that's when it gets so destructive and you get to the critical breaking point of gushing honesty that these top bloggers seem to have got to.

I've just got to remember that if you love what you do, you have faith in what you do, and you're proud of what you create... Then you shouldn't need the praise and glory from anyone else to validate that.

And so it's back to writer from blogger for me, back to thought and art and inevitably probably back to obscurity and being forgotten again, but you know... I think I kinda prefer it that way. 

It sure of hell makes me a healthier, happier person.

                   

Have you felt the grips of The Great Blogging Dread or experienced something similar? I would love to discuss this in the comments or feel free to tweet me!










61 comments :

  1. Ah, really love this post Katie, I know that myself along with lots of other 'internet humans' will be able to relate. As you said, it's crazy how much the stress and pressure builds up on yourself, how easy it is to be struck with the time ticking away. Keep doing you, and you will have wonderful stories to tell. Waaaay to go for speaking about this - as always I look forward to seeing new posts of yours! (P.s, we need another adventure soon)

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  2. On posts like these, sometimes I don't know what to comment other than, to parts of it: "Yes! That! I know what you mean!", which, makes me guilty of being one of those readers who doesn't always interact and that's something I'm trying to change more & more...! I feel like I haven't been posting very much either - I haven't told anyone I have a schedule, so it's just my own self who puts pressure, if any, on myself, and lately, I often have had post ideas floating around in my head, but thinking about compiling an entire post just tugs at my procrastination-side and a lot of the time ends in me not doing it... but, I try to think, if it's a life recap or event I loved, that I lived it, I was there, to post about it would be awesome to share that, but you can't beat yourself up too much each time you can't... :)
    That's great that you're bringing your blog back to it's roots - the inspiration & creativity advice that it sounds like you love writing about so much - have fun writing your future posts! Look forward to reading more :)

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  3. What a great post! You know the saying: "Be careful what you wish for, because you may just get it."? I think about it often. I'm pretty sure all of us bloggers want to grow and get bigger - but most of us probably don't realize what that entails exactly.
    I'm currently working on my blog manifesto, where I will write down exactly what the purpose of my blog is. This is mainly for me, so I don't lose sight of why I'm doing this! It's so easy to get caught up in the game and sidetracked, and I need something that will remind me of my purpose.

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  4. What a great post! Post like this or like one that Zoe wrote are really eyes opening, it's so easy to get lost in this blogging world and so many of us just seem to forget why exactly are we doing what we are doing. We really shouldn't put so much pressure on us, you are so right! x

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  5. Liking these posts. Wish I could make art hun x

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  6. This is such a wonderful post, thank-you. I totally agree with everything you've said, I've definitely noticed the flaws of the blogosphere recently too.

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  7. I really, really relate to this post. Not exactly the same level as my blog is only tiny, but I certainly feel exactly the same. It feels a bit odd to me, that I aim to make my blog big (I guess we all do?) but in reality, the grass may not be as green as it seems. Thank you for writing this post so beautifully -- its really resonated with me. x

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  8. I'm new to the blogging world. I started my blog because I loved reading other peoples. I'm still trying to figure it all out. What kind of content I want on there, what style of writing, how often will I post? As silly as it may seem, these are not things I thought about when I first decided to start my own blog. But up until THIS week I didn't see that as a problem. I had always heard other bloggers talking about how blogging is a journey, that it takes time to find your blogging style & how there is no pressure, after all its just for fun right? Then Big Brother started. I don't know how any of the other newer bloggers out there felt about some of the comments that were made on Twitter, but they really hit me hard. It suddenly felt like I was back at school & I was not one of the popular kids. Like I was never going to be because apparently they don't want others in their gang. The worst part was that a lot of the comments were made by people I had looked up to. Its definitely made me re-think my blog & the direction it was heading in. I will definitely be trying to make it more personal to me & remember that its MY content & I shouldn't feel pressured to follow 'the popular crowd'.

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  9. Jessica Chelsey8 June 2014 at 13:33

    The last part of this hit home with me the most..my blog is nowhere near as big as yours BUT when it started getting more hits on average each month I too got less and less comments and feedback and I hate it! I too felt like I had done something wrong and it didnt add up! What really helps me though is hearing that other bloggers, more established bloggers, feel the same way. We aren't alone and we need do need to support eachother more. Well said! Xxx

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  10. I rarely comment on blogs due to my phone being so rubbish, but after reading this I have immediately jumped to my laptop to respond. Honestly, such a great honest post. Always been such a fan of your blog and kudos on your stats. But like you say, stats aren't everything. I completely agree with everything in this post. I myself have a small blog I started last September, but I try not to pressure myself as it is a hobby at the end of the day and I am happy with that. I wanted a place of my own to escape to for relaxation, peace and quiet. But I find myself getting sucked into this 'great blogging dread' plus I had a peek at those others which will read more in depth later on, but it is scary the thought of growing like that and although that will probably never happen for myself, not even an aim of mine but it could as you never know. Scary thoughts!!! I also have noticed how the interaction between bloggers is becoming less and less, I barely get any comments, but then I rather use twittter as is easier for socialising and actually chatting getting to know. Writing this and don't even know where I am going with this comment really, so I shall round it up so I do not bore you endlessly. I love your writing style and just one of my all time favourites! Love, Gemma xx www.sunshineonacloudyday.co.uk

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  11. Thank you Charli :) I agree a new adventure is definitely on the cards! 'Keep Doing You' - I really like that. I could definitely do well to remember that in the future! Thanks for reading x

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  12. Thank you for reading :) x

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  13. Thank you so much for reading - writing truly is my greatest passion, I simply NEED to do it all the time and it genuinely blows my mind with appreciation that people are actually willing to take the time out of their day to read what I have to say. After all, written word only comes alive with a reader :) I think I know the path I'm going to be continuing on now! x

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  14. I know exactly what you mean! I look at these crazy successful bloggers like Tanya Burr etc now, when they are genuinely treated with the same esteem/regarded as celebrities, and that might seem all well and glittering... but really is it? Bloggers are just normal people, and normal people aren't supposed to know how to deal with fame and I don't think a lot of them do... certainly made me realise that's NOT what I want anyway! Thank you for reading Miriam x

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  15. Definitely! I think in many areas of life, not just blogging, it's always good to keep reminding yourself what you're doing this all for, what the end goal is and what you want to get out of it :) Thanks for reading x

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  16. Thanks Charlotte, I hope one day I can remember how to also haha. Thank you for reading :) x

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  17. I think it's very important to highlight that it's not all glitz and glam, especially as so many young girls are seeing the successes and heading straight into this world without really even knowing what it's made of... Anyway, thank you for reading Emily :) x

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  18. Exactly - we'd all be lying if we said there wasn't a least a part of us that wants to be big/recognised etc... but the question is why? I like to think I want to be successful so I could make a difference/inspire... not sure I'm up for the whole getting chased down the street/people screaming at me haha. Thanks for reading Tilly x

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  19. It's actually a little bit terrifying how now even week by week the blogging world seems to be getting more convoluted/more twisted/more bitchy - it's almost out of control! I never want to be a part of that crowd and I would hate to end up like that because my mind has become so deluded from being too involved/obsessing over internetty things. There really is so much more to life! I agree blogging is a journey and you develop as you go, for me, I think I'd like to keep this blog as a thought journal - even if no-one wants to read it, it's kinda nice to have and look back on one day :) Thanks for reading Tilly x

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  20. when you care so much about what you post on the internet, regardless of what your intentions are, it's so easy to fall into the trap of obsessing over stats and figures, and getting hurt when something you've poured your heart and soul into seems to get ignored... it's a really tough balance to try and find, but as I constantly have to remind myself, perspective is everything.

    You have always been such a positive force to me, Jo, your comments always keep me going, and knowing that you're reading and still enjoying actually means so much to me - you alone reassure me that maybe I'm still doing the right thing!

    So thank you endlessly for always being there for me and reading my mind-splurges even if no-one else will. Thank you Jo :) x

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  21. I guess when blogging turned from a hobby into a ridiculously lucrative industry, it's hard not to think of your own blog with a business mind and end up getting a little bit obsessed! You just gotta always stayed grounded I suppose.

    Thank you so much Leneth, you are always so sweet to me and I can't thank you enough! It means so much to me to know that even just one person still thinks I'm worthwhile haha. Maybe one day our paths will cross in reality! I'll buy you coffee if they do :) x

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  22. It's the strangest thing, I keep thinking there must be a statistical error or something, you're totally right, it just doesn't seem to add up! But I agree with you that this whole shift in the blogging world has made everyone a little more cagey... I think some bloggers are becoming a bit too proud to comment on a post, even if they enjoy it, because they don't want to be seen 'helping out the competition' or whatever... its so stupid and juvenile!

    I'm definitely going to be making an effort to comment on more blog posts I enjoy, regardless of who they are or how many comments they've already got etc - I know myself how important every last one is! I'm also going to step up my replying to comments on my own posts too - re-establish this warm, wlcoming blogging community of nice people again!

    Thanks for reading Jessica :) x

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  23. I am actually honoured, thank you so much Gemma! It's kinda been building up like this for a while and I was sick of feeling like crap and beating myself up about this so I thought I'd just be honest and let it all out - and to have such wonderful constructive feedback is absolutely incredible. Plus its always nice to know you're not the only one struggling with something!

    I can definitely see how interactions between bloggers has decreased, it's such a shame how suddenly everyone is viewing each other as competition instead of like-minded souls... and getting too immersed in stats and figures will do that to a person! It's so reassuring to know there still are nice, genuine people out there on the internet though :)

    Thank you so so much for reading and your constant support Gemma! x

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  24. Literally just stumbled across your post from someone's retweet on twitter and I can honestly say it's one of the most insightful things I've read and I agree with every word. Thank you for posting this, it helps to hear that other people are in similar places to you, despite the amount of views or followers they have! Congrats on yours though, you've gained yourself a new reader :) am so glad my little twitter stalking spree has led me to you! Hahaha xxx
    www.liv-in-fashion.blogspot.co.uk

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  25. Great post, totally agree with you on everything! I started a blog 2 months ago and am already feeling the pressure, when all I wanted to do was have fun and enjoy it like a hobby!


    Thanks for reminding me what it's all about.


    http://www.laurelloves.com

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  26. That'd be amazing , I definitely hope one day our paths will cross ! x

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  27. Ashlee Adele Brame8 June 2014 at 15:11

    Just putting it out there, I think your blog is fucking awesome. It's so real and you're an amazing writer so you should never feel down about it. I agree with what you're saying as well, I don't understand how people get worked up over something that realistically is just a hobby. Sure blogging does open a few doors and opens amazing opportunities, but I feel like the hype has died some what now and that it's so hard to make an actual career out it. As long as you're still enjoying it keep at it, you should never do something because you feel like you have to. Xxx

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  28. This is such a great post am glad, I found it and I have actually gone through this exact feeling when blogging became solely about numbers. I started panicking in my head and didn't care about why i was blogging. I think a lot better now thankfully

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  29. I'm so glad you've been so honest on your blog! I love reading through your posts and it makes me sad that bloggers get so frustrated, I know exactly what you mean though and can relate to this a lot! Seriously though, your blog has potential and I'm sure people will appreciate whatever you choose to post on here because you write so well! <3 xx

    nessiehere.blogspot.co.uk

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  30. So nice to meet you and so nice read your post! At some points you just hit home with what you write, and saying it as it is. I have been blogging for almost 2 years and although I hold a very very small corner in the blog-sphere I have felt the pressure of juggling with working life and blogging life, and the stress of keeping up can eat you up. Blogging as you say it's a hobby and is there to relax you,ease your mind when you actually do it and not stress you up! I have been stressed so many time about stats and numbers and not being good enough and not knowing what I am doing wrong, and stressing out so badly! I have come to realise the past few months that you know what, this is just a part of me, and not me. I just loved the fact that you put it out there and that other people are feeling the same! I will be keeping a close eye to your blog and your next posts and I am so glad we met!
    Best of luck with everything and keep doing what you love !
    Kassi! xxxx www.makeupartistas.com

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  31. Tasmin Lofthouse10 June 2014 at 02:51

    This post definitely opened my eyes to the negativities of blogging...something that's often overlooked! The past few months I've realised just how self conscious I am, I worry far too much about what other people think. This is even to the point where when writing my blog- something that I do because I love it- I find myself worrying what other people with think.
    Thank you for this post, it's clear that we are all in this together :)
    xxx
    http://tasxxx.blogspot.co.uk

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  32. Hungry_Healthy_Happy10 June 2014 at 03:12

    Great post! I think it is easy to get stressed over blogging, especially when it is a full-time job like it is for me.
    But I agree with you, stats are at their highest, but interaction at their lowest which can get you really down. I have gone back to blogging for me and no one else.

    www.hungryhealthyhappy.com

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  33. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. I've been going through a blogger crisis as well, at the moment. I've always been scared of what blogging full time entails - especially as someone with anxiety.
    This line made it all for me: "You used to make art, Katie. Now you just blog." I'm definitely going to take a step back and think about what on earth I'm doing.

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  34. Wow. I'm a bit speechless regarding just how good and honest this post is.
    Seriously, every time I read your posts, I am overwhelmed with the desire to create something, be it a simple blog post or a sketch or a full blown artwork, I find your words continually inspirational.
    You're an incredible writer, so I implore you to continue writing and making art (for as long as it makes you happy, of course) & you'll continue to inspire me for one.. Don't lose heart, aspire to change that statement from "you used to make art, Katie. Now you just blog." to "you used to just blog, but now you make art."
    Off to create something now.. Thanks for writing such beautiful things.

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  35. I really admire your honesty! I hope that this is just a phase and you find inspiration and your love for blogging again. I know myself how stressful the whole industry can get and my blog is only a few months old. It's easy to put a little too much pressure on yourself sometimes to ensure you're posting on a regular basis and keeping up with social media for the benefit of your readers, but also feeling compelled to compete with other bloggers. Like you said, you started blogging for yourself and when your blog gains momentum and lots of followers and daily hits, some people look upon that as being selfish, but you should never feel the need to conform to everyone else's expectations if you feel you're not being true to yourself! I, personally, would much rather read a blog of someone that shows personality and truth, even if that means they only post once in a blue moon, as apposed to a blogger that posts multiple times of day for the popularity. Chin up :)


    Blogdesherrell.com - UK Beauty, Fashion and Style Blog, x

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  36. That's so sweet Katie and honestly it means a lot :) They're more than just mind-splurges :) I read and enjoy every post and your passion just comes through every time :) x

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  37. I know how you feel. I've only had my blog for a year or so but I've had a tumblr for over 6 years and am at the point of just stopping updating it altogether. It's so fitting that I found this post today because I've been thinking about stopping my tumblr for a couple of weeks now and only today my queue of posts has run out. It's weird to be honest, I think we all feel pressure from the world, people we don't know and ourselves. I think if we blog when we feel motivated and want to do so it's the best thing to do.



    Erin, beingerin.com

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  38. I think this is something that so many of us feel, but few of us feel brave enough to acknowledge. The way I see it is that at some point or another EVERYONE has been on the same boat. Like you said, it's just a hobby, and hobbies are meant to be fun. There is no point in us putting ourselves under so much extra pressure because of something that's meant to be fun. If you blog for yourself then you shouldn't need to worry about anything else but so many of us do. This is such a fantastic post x

    Charlotte / coloursandcarousels

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  39. Such a great post - thank you so much for sharing this with us! I have a bit of the great blogging dread right now but we shall just have to see how it all works out!
    Eilidh xo

    http://herprettystateofmind.blogspot.co.uk/

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